Well here I am, home, after a relatively peaceful shift that allowed me the chance to do some catching up

About 3 weeks ago I was given a job where a chap had his car scratched by some young lad that was visiting his aunty for the weekend. I go and get a statement from this poor chap for him to say "Well i don't really want to press charges i just want him spoken to" So, being the duty bound copper I am I ignore this, take the statement and duly get him to sign it. Oh, I must explain at this point that the scratch is about half inch long and is shorter and less serious than the rest of the bucket, sorry car, it sits on!

Today I go and see the young lad at his house. I park the Police car, remove my sat nav in case it gets nicked and walk towards the house that is set in a square type of setup. I walk under the archway and walk towards the front door and as I did I started to notice a strong smell coming from the house. Now I know what you are probably thinking this is cannabis but, having experienced what greets me, I wish it had been! I get to the front door and there I see a sign saying "Beware of the rottweiler"

Now in the Police we have this fictitious lady called Mrs Miggins. So for now we will call her Mrs Miggins. I knock on the door, narrowly evading injury as the pane of glass held in with a few nails wobbles as if it is going to fall out, and Mrs Miggins answers the door. Picture the scene, a very large and round female with breasts to her ankles, 3 yellow teeth and the last weeks dinner down her sweatshirt with her tracksuit pulled up under her breasts answers the door. Eureka the rottweiler I think!!

I lift my nose to take in the aroma of cats piss, stale cigarette smoke and fried food and ask...

Me "Hello, Mrs MIGGINS?"

Her "Yes"

Me (Hoping she would say no I ask) "Can i pop in for a second?"

Her "Well its a bit inconvenient at the moment

Me "Why you going to the gym?"

She looks at me a little confused and says...

"I don't go to the gym why you saying that"

Me "No reason i just thought you were dressed for the occasion"

hastily moving on I said..

"So can I come in"

Her: "Suppose you better"

Ah well you win some you lose some!!

So I step inside and can't help but notice this aroma is stronger than ever and so without turning blue through lack of air, I ask...

"Is little Miggins in"

Her "No he is at his friends"

I explain why I am there and ask if I can speak with him - She lets out this ear piercing shriek "Middle miggins come down ere!!"

Que middle miggins who comes down the stairs, fag in one hand and beer in the other, wearing a baseball cap and goes to get brother miggins and they return shortly after

Mrs MIGGINS shows me to the kitchen area and offers me a seat which I reluctantly took and interviewed the lad who obviously had no part in the damage

Whilst I was doing this I looked up and saw smoke damage to the ceiling. They clearly have tried to make good the damage by painting over it but gave up after 2 or 3 revolutions of the paint roller. Now I am no painter & decorator but I guess that had they actually cleaned the ceiling first to take the carbon deposits off they may have stood a chance!!

I thank them for their time and leave, with an apology from them for the state of their house as they are decorating. I ask how long they have lived there and they say 19 years!!

I exit the house, wiping my feet on the way out, and the door is shut behind me. I huddle up and close my eyes thinking the glass pane is going to fall out but I am saved once again!

On my way back I am asked by the control room to check a barge on the canal opposite the estate I Police. Some kids had set it free and were running up and down on its deck. Having spoken to the caller and got an exact location I get there and find the barge still moored with no kids - Job done Thumbs%20Up

I then go and see a resident for a chat with their son, they are very pro Police and their lad is a nice lad really, just got in with the wrong crowd but we, his parents and me, have sorted him out and he is on the straight and narrow again for now

Next I go to the shops on the estate to see if any young people are there causing havoc but it is surprisingly quiet. So I buy my chicken and chips and go back to the nick. I write up the report for the damage, update the computer with what i have done and move onto the next job of locating a chap for cultivating cannabis to the tune of 300K

On a serious note, this is a relatively short account of my day but getting to the lads house, interviewing him and writing it up took about 4 hours. There is no likelihood of a prosecution anyway so whats the point!

I am on lates tomorrow so see you then

Good night all