Yesterday, having nearly finished my kitchen, I was back to work for a late shift 4pm to 1am. I have just had some leave so I am back to millions of emails.

How times have changed

When I first joined the Police some 24 years ago, the station Sgt would let you know before you went on leave if you had any planned duty changes. He would organise 4 shifts duties, the cid duties, the scenes of crime duties and make sure that all the important roles were covered, like the front office. Thankfully we now have a more up to date system, like computers, email, voicemail, mobile phones and an office of 5 people doing the duties. But still they are not able to tell me when I have a duty change! Got back to work to find my duty had changed to a 7pm to 4am whilst I was away. Not expecting anyone to be in at 4pm on a Friday I rang the duties office and the conversation went along these lines

Me: Hi its PC TRADER here, I have had my duty changed today but I was on leave so didn't get it till I just got in now

Duties: We sent you an email

Me: Like I said I was on leave and I don't have access to work email

Duties: Well we also left you a voice mail

Me: Like I said, I was on leave and I don't have access to work voicemail

Duties: So what do you want me to do about it?

Me: Let me know before I went on leave?

Duties: It was a short notice change

Me: So how am i supposed to know if I am not here

Duties: Not my problem, speak to your Sgt, he was informed as well

Me: Well he is on leave now till the end of May as he is in America, thanks for your help bye

Now what did I do with that station Sgt!!

 

Why is it that when I first started this job the station Sgt, on his own, could do all this with pen and paper and typewriter. Now it takes an office of 5 people with all the technology in the world to screw things up!! (For those of you that are too young to remember or don't know what a typewriter is, here is an explanation)

The Nicer Criminals

Having been in the nick for some 2 hours, I have caught up and decide to go out. I am sent to a job where a lad has taken his tag off and is leaving the house outside his curfew. He has been breached by the his probation officer so he is on a recall to prison. We get to the address and there is no answer. The neighbour kindly allows us to use her back garden to gain access to the rear where we find a lad sitting on the sofa with his loud chav music on and a can of stella in his hand

Me: Hello mate, whats your name

Him: Terry

Me: Anyone else in the house

Him: No just me and my my mum live here my brother lives on the other side of the estate

Me: Whats your brothers name

Him: Mike

Me: Ok thanks mate

I ask a few questions about ID and where does this guy get his post delivered, so I can check to be sure he is who he says he is and I start to leave. Just as I do, and in a good old columbo style, I turn round and say

Me: Oh just one last thing sir, have you always have your brother and his girlfriends name tatooed on your arm?

Damn he is rumbled again!! So off we go to the custody area having a nice chat on the way about politics and the way the police is run these days

Me and my mate try to identify a burglar caught on camera and after failing miserably we decide to have some food.

Wasting Police Time

About 10pm we get a call about some kids being chased by a resident and its "all kicking off"

We start to walk towards the car, kebab in hand, ansd set off on our mission. I become the most corteous driver on the road, allowing people to go when it is not their right of way, sticking to 5 miles under the speed limit, (Can't be too careful can we, the police might be around Wink ) and unfortunately arrive 5 minutes later to find our fictitious lady, the same Mrs Miggins (remember her?) with 5 brats, sorry siblings, in tow.

Essentially the problem was all over her kids playing football with some others in the road. The teams were a mix of both families children. One of her children scored an own goal and the others started to have a go at him, as you do. Mother was stood on the path watching her sons play with her can of stella, fags and hairy armpits to boot. She decided to do a pitch invasion and chase her son to give him a hiding for scoring an own goal - Police called!!

We leave having started to breathe again. Even in the open air the stale smell of fried food, fags and cats piss still lingers in the air!

1am comes round and we go home. A relatively peaceful shift given the lovely weather so we will see what comes our way tonight

Goodnight all