Started work at 7:30pm last night. I was walking the city to be talked to by a bunch of drunks that think you have never heard the chat before

"I wanted to be a policeman (But i was too stupid)"

"How do I join the Police" (F*** off and leave me alone that will be a good start!)

Had briefing by Sgt. He's a good old boy - Knew him 24 years ago when we started together so he is pretty laid back. We then have a cup of coffee till about 9pm and start to go up the city ready to be spoken to by the drunk bafoons

Just as we get there we get told about a lad trying to chisel his way into a bank cash machine. Get him off the bus and he is totally shocked when we find a card skimming device in his pocket and the tools nearby! "Thats not mine (Spoken in his Romanian accent)

Spend the next 3 or 4 hours dealing with him. Had to wait for an interpreter as his english skills have suddenly failed in custody. We decide to leave him for the morning for other enquries to be finished off

I go back up the city. By this time the pissed talk has started. An 18 year old gets kicked out of a club and wants to go back in as he has paid his fiver!

He is told he won't be getting back in so he may as well either go home or go to another club on the other side. Decides to explain to me that he pays my wages and i should do my job as he pays me to do it. So I agree with him and do my job

Me "What do you think I should do?"

Him: "Get me back in the club"

Me "OK, excuse me Mr massive doorman, can my employer come back into your club"

Doorman "No"

Me: "OK thanks, sorry employer you can't go back in the club, but I did try"

Him: "Your f***ing useless, you lot always stand up for them"

Me: "Please don't swear or you will get arrested"

Him: "Just do your job you ***t, I earn more than you can dream off"

Me: "I will give you one last chance to go home and stop swearing. I was in this job before you were even born so please go home, your drunk (Whispers in his ear - Go away or you get nicked) "

Him: "Get ****d"

Me: " Now your going to get your money worth - Your nicked"

So I spend another hour in custody dealing with a drunk 18 year old who is going to get value for money when paying my wages

Back up the town and sure enough a drunk girl is starting on one of my mates, same thing do your job I pay your wages...bla bla bla

Lucky for her we have had enough and want to go home

An hour later we are back in the van going home. Pleased in the knowledge I have got my quota for the week

I get fed up with these idiots but never fear, back at it again tonight so stay tuned for the next installment!